And after all, you're my wonderwall
---

i am (a) nervouswreck
Noelle says Hello you.
You should love Rum and Raisin cause it's the awesomest shitz ever.
31st Dec, noelleleowmaniax@hotmail.com, Facebook, MSN, everythang(:
Body issues, mental issues, safety issues, hair issues.
Love is an odd stick.
Karma is not a bitch.

Migraines.
Daily.

Painkillers.
Daily.

My head hurts so badly, I think it might induce a bout of involuntary screaming soon. Ah fuck I can't even face the computer anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with me.

My chest feels so tight;
I can't breathe.



I can't talk to you, I can't talk to her, I can't talk to him. I can't talk to anyone anymore. The feeling of a heavy heart and the effort that one breath now takes- I can't take it. I feel so cramped up, I feel so small, I just want everything to
Stop.

I'm finally returning to school.
I dread it.
Really.

I guess what'll keep me going for the rest of the week is...
Shaun's gig! :D :D :D :D :D :D
Like finally, my brother is playing at a public gig. And it's been ages since i've been to a gig (even more ages since i've been to a good one) and and I need some local music, pronto. (: So excited! If you're interested, it's on saturday at Haji Lane, idk if there'll be door ticks (I think so lah) or you can ask him/ me directly. (:
HEEHEEHEEEE.

Okay i'm really happy now, I spent the day out with the malay boy (hahahaha sounds so racist). WE WENT SHOPPING. Some sort luh. I think i've influenced him to become the DIY-ist that I am. If you see a bunch of chains on his wrist, give him some ccredit for trying to express his artistic side alright. Hahahhaha and YES I finally bought myself long gold chains so happy:D

We've been spending $$$ like mad these days.
And I think he was really happy today. (:
(apart from me jokingly calling him a jerk)
Cause I was wearing the skirt he bought for me yesterday heh heh heh (no I ain't no gold-digger). Let's just say that it's a nice skirt. (: A really really nice skirt!
(TOPSHOP TOPSHOP TOPSHOP)

But we're shit-ass broke for the rest of the month.
Time to tabao food to school.

I'm kinda happy i'll see everyone back at school tmr! The person who owes me money, the person who's been asking me to see pingpong; I haven't seen them for five weeks and two days. Holy omg.
Tmr! (:

And PE.
(FB: I finally get what you said during dinner about my 'incentive' for PE! I forgot lol.)
Napfa this term = must run.
Nyeh. Maybe it's a good thing. I need to burn all the flab); But I don't want to build thigh muscles. I build them really easily and it's like this gross ugly bulge. (Yes i'm very leg-concious) Okay i'm ranting.
...
(:


I WANT LACE LEGGINGS.

Feeling like madly unwell.

Been feeling like puking for the last two hours, having a really bad headache, feeling like a fever is gonna develop anytime soon (you know, your breath suddenly turning very hot, your bed feels extremely hot after you get up, a blast of wind seems freezing) but i've checked, the highest is 37.2. But taking into consideration my normal low temperature of 35.9... Well.

The worst part is i'm killing myself, forcing bio into my head and in this last minute I realised I've lost my O&C notes. Which is like the first topic i studied for = I forgot quite a bit. I'm fine with maths, I think. I know i'll pass math for sure. Yeah, i'm probably still coming to school tomorrow. I really really really wanna take math. ): I wanna see how i'd do.

And knowing Mum- her standard sentence to me when i'm sick is "pop two panadols and go to bed and go to school tomorrow". I'm afraid I still need to study. And i'm afraid Ms Liew is gonna take one good look at me, see right through me and call my mum to pick me up, which would result in "why didn't you just stay at home if you weren't feeling well??" and i'd jut shut up and look out of the car window.

I think I owe myself a proper puking. I've been wanting to puke for the last idk-how-many days but like idk. I don't like puking. But it's just something stuck there that needs to come out. (I've a feeling it's a whole chunk of phlegm) I'm not turning bulimic. If I really wanted to get rid of my belly I would just start running-_-

Speaking of which, I want my defined abs back. Which means... cardio and a hell lot of abs. If I don't start looking good now i'll grow old and fat and ugly and miss like the PRIME of my life. Okay so... i'll start after exams. Which = I NEED NEW SPORTS BRAS.

It's like my head is just )((&)(*&(@&@)!# now and nothing's really making sense. I'm thinking about telomeres and bras and hot soupy ramen and transformation and the amount of money I have in my wallet (effectively a sum of $0.61). I feel like such a wuss.

Maybe i'll take a stand and command myself straight to the doctor before school quarantines me for H1N1. If I really get it, I think i'll just freak out and start writing my will and prepare a rectangular mahogany coffin with the words "For you and for me and the entire human race" - from the King of Pop MJ's 'Heal the World', i've been fucking obsessed with it the entire day- and inside I want navy or magenta satin. I don't want a glass window cause I don't want anyone to see me in my last balding days of the disease, i'll just paste like a really old neoprint on the top.

And then i'll write a long love letter to my boy,
And then one to Alisha,
One to Fay (random), one to all the exes, one to my family, one to a certain fucker with the words "Fuck you nut-less bastard", one to my classmates though I know some would be parading, one to the Tkgs people, and one to myself which someone would read at my funeral. Which would probably lyrics to a Westlife song. Don't ask me why.

Okay my fingers are just running over the keys- it's one of the fastest posts i've done and all i've done is rant. In any case to sum up,
I want to watch AYG table tennis before I die,
I want to take Math tomorrow,
I want to go to the doctor,
and H1N1 stay the fuck away from me.

Back to bio notes.

I really hate to say this,
But I think i'm beginning to hate my family.

No, it's not an overstatement.
Honestly, so what if you're angry? This might be your house but there are others living here, please BE CONSIDERATE. God. And i'm doing nothing productive like listening to music?
Oh my god i'm going to faint.

I will not tolerate stubborn, unreasonable adults. I will not tolerate yelling in my room. I will not tolerate myself being insulted for being a useless bum. I will not, no way in hell, tolerate any of it. And I'm going to come up with plans to handle this.
LIKE PERMANENTLY LOCKING MY ROOM DOOR.
Omg the end to all my problems, I swear.

GAH.
CONTROLLLL.

Lately she's just been getting on everyone's nerves and not caring about it. So what, because we're not your clients you don't really take us seriously?
Why am I not surprised. Just tell me why, Mum.

Kids will be kids.
Like just shut up if you don't have anything half-intelligent to say, you know? I understand if you all are stupid and failing your exams but please go elsewhere to vent and don't insult Imran or i'm gonna fucking get mad. It's like, we're OLD NEWS what the heck is so interesting anyway.

Today- the day my family fell apart.
I told you, I told you we were all a screwed up bunch.
It took you so long to notice it. And acting all shocked and disappointed- Look, I really did warn you. But you thought that I was lying and made sure everyone knew that. So in a sense... it's your retribution.

I don't think there's anyone else to blame but yourself for the way your kids turned out. Like why would you, an adult, come bursting into my room and getting mad at me when I have absolutely nothing to do with it? Stop being so unreasonable and stubborn, please.
You shouldn't need a teenage girl to tell you that there's really something wrong with the way you operate and handle the kids.
I've had enough.

Really, it can be such a pain sometimes to just stay here.

And I really hate people who say this, but I think it ought to be said (i'm such a hypocrite, right here):
"I told you so."

But anyway, sorry everyone cause i'm in such a foul mood.
And to those I ignored please don't take it personally.
My everything's just in a mess right now. Can't think straight, can't study, can't do anything right. I need to just get away and sort my thoughts out. But guess what? I can't. -_-

And thanks boy for listening and everything.
I'm so glad I have you. (You're slowly turning Chinese.)

I'm dating a guy whose idea of fun is shooting bottle caps into people's curry and throwing his slippers at the Indian roti prata man.
.....


(Talk about self-racism.)

Tomorrow is H2 Economics paper.
What the fuck are you doing reading Noelle's blog!!
(Unless you're J. Choong or someone who got quarantined.)

Yeah, the ass is back. (Rofflelemao)

But anyway,
I'm like screwed for economics.
I should just like start crying now.

Whoever thinks i'm smart, you're like absolutely wrong.
If I knew better and were any smarter, I would've started studying BEFORE the last week of the holidays. -_-
But I don't think I can pass anything anyway. So I won't pretend that I can and that I mugged and i'm just gonna whack the paper.

(Okay fine. I'm just a lazy ass k. My brain might've been smart but it's been stuffed fat with lard and fat and mayonnaise and potato chips and fries and popcorn and dumplings and chocolate and gummies.)

And no, i'm not studying now.
I'm going to be a cool prick and go downstairs and watch tv/ watch my brother play his awesome game on PS3. What was it called? Ah, PROTOTYPE. Awesome game to chill your jittery brain cells.

And I met the sweetest thing today.
I made friends with a black maomao. :D:D:D:D:D
(Cat lah:D)

I've spent the whole morning in bed, doing using the computer and just being a fat lazy ass.
):
Speaking of which, I have completely disappointed myself. I put on one fucking kg during the days. F.
FFFFFFFFFFF.
That totally ruins my plan of getting back to the sacred number...
45.
-mourns

I swear, my thighs have grown thicker this holiday.
Must be all that pigging.

Anyway while being a fat lazy ass, I ran across one of the blogs I used to faithfully follow (harharharhar) and herein lies the secret of telling whether...... a girl is wearing a pushup bra.
I sense alot of ??????????? !!!!!!!!!!! ?!?!?!?!?s but don't fret!
http://wewank.blogspot.com/2006/07/womens-best-friend-kenny.html

I know i'm very commonly accused of wearing those, but sorry to disappoint Tj! Distinct circumference not seen. Hawhawhawhaw.
Well just to confirm, I shall go question the boyf on it later.
.......
Looks like he's going to have a hard time.

HAHAHAH STOP THINKING DIRTY ALL YOU PERVERTS.

Anyway, boyf's going to pangseh me for the Idkhowmanyth time today. I should like whoop his ass or something but i'm sorry, i'm not quite into bondage.
......

HAHAHHA OKAY FINE SORRY.
I'm feeling decidedly mischievious today- I don't know why. Perhaps the studying is getting to my head. Yes, that's it.

You know, I know there's JCTs next week but I don't really feel like studying because there's no motivation or anything. All along i've been motivated by the prospect of good grades but this time... I can't help but wonder what i'm studying for. What grades, what job, what money?
It's kinda sad that most decisions you make these days revolve around the three. And i'm sick of living like that.

So i'll rely on my last-minute chiongs and i've decided that's it's more important to rest and recuperate for the upcoming term(s) than to murder my brain cells trying to stuff things in.
Good luck to you, muggers.

I'm actually loving my life right now.

My brother swearing his ass off in the next room, over the really sucky internet.
My mum, questioning me on who/where/why I went out.
My dinner, consisting of 3 bowls of mee siam, tons of sushi, spring rolls, fried chicken, and a lot of watermelon. Cooked by a possible future mum-in-law.
My 1st lunch: a big bowl of home-fried fries, and a huge chunk of fillet and yum yum lettuce.
My 2nd lunch: Mee siam. Slurp slurp.
My day, spent fruitfully with a possible husband, thowing our papers all over the table and just whacking the questions.

I feel loved. (:
In an oddly strange, strangely odd way.

Anyway, i'm extremely proud of myself.
I survived an entire Korean drama WITHOUT CRYING.
:) :)) :D
Even when the guy died!
And the girl found out about her guy's engagement!
And the guy shuns the girl cruelly!
And they finally get together!

SO PROUD. :D
-pat on back
(okay maybe everyone except the guy lead was not so hot and not so convincing that's why I didn't feel very greatly for them)

I'm guessing that kinda sounds familiar for every Kdrama... Ah well. But you know it's so good to watch!
The guys are... fucking gods.
Like sculptures. They should be put in the Smithsonian!
Like they look just right and you can't help but want one of your own.
(That's it- my next holiday: KOREA. -giddy with joy)

IT'S LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN see THOSE KIND OF GUYS IN SINGAPORE. Although I must adknowledge most guys as the unsung heroes, for trying so hard to chase girls and keep us happy.
-applaud
Koreans over angmohs?
Still pretty undecided on that.

But that's for my next lifetime luh. (:
Right now... (:

Gah, i'm turning into such a romantic.
Help!

And I somehow think i'm turning back into the ultimate headband lover. Remember my crazily cute hairbands at the start of school? :D
Seems like my fetish is growing back.
What's wrong with Minnie Mouse anyway!
(:

I think if you see me everyday, you'll be entertained by what I wear.
Hahahahha sorry I just don't like looking the same every day and i'm experimental okay! Don't you agree?
Bet you loved my peroxide blonde highlight uh. Hahaha it's awesome! :D

Two words, to end off my wonderful post about my wonderful life:
Fuck JCTs.
(Hell yeah!)

Imran:
See, i've found the song! (: Aren't I awesome!
I'll see you in a bit, let's work hard today k. Really, MUST.
*hugs*